Attention, Acceptance, Appreciation , Affection and Allowing

Did you know that we have a Group on linked in??? Neither did I!! I started a discussion on there this morning. I hope you will go and join the group because I was able to create a poll there to see how members use the PULSE Frame. Mediation, Negotiation, Coaching, Planning and other. I am interested on how people use the Frame.

I have been using it more and more as a way to organize my coaching conversations. I also use it to consult on conflict situations for leaders in organizations. It is a great way to get at the past present and future of the situation in a short conversations. I use the guiding questions. I set out the “How” of the conversation, time and protocol then uncover “What is this about?” and I don’t leave the past until I am really clear what we are talking about. Then the question becomes “Why is this important? or What about this is important?” as we learn the BEACHs together. Once the criteria are clear then we start considering options with the question “What could you do?” and then to explain as we set out commitments using “What will you do?”

The other thing that is important in PULSE conversations is the stance. We approach people differently. We hold them capable. David Richo identifies five ‘A’ s for adult relationships. Attention, Acceptance, Appreciation, Affection and Allowing. As I read his book I realize that those elements also need to be the underpinning of the PULSE conversation. As practitioners or DELTAs (Detached, Emotionally mature, Loyalty, Trust, Attend) we are invited to become Detached ( not disinterested ). We Allow people to bring their reality without judgement. We are invited to be Emotionally mature… which means we can give Affection without taking sides … we care. Loyal to the process and confident in the ability of the participants to come to a satisfactory conclusion. We Appreciate the skills they bring with them to do just that. Trust that people are doing the best with what they know speaks to Accepting them where they are. And Attend to everything speaks to the Attention that Richo talks about. All of these are important for building relationship and creating the neural link that allows participants to trust the DELTA and the process and to learn to trust each other.

I love it when things seem to fit. Thank you David Richo and Lois for sharing her book with me. Look for “How to be An Adult in Relationship.”