HEART – Hush, Empathise, Attend, Reflect and Trust
Tomorrow UVI-PULSE presents another Webinar in the monthly series. This one is about listening … actively. It is about the state of being we need to have as human beings to involve ourselves in listening to others. It is not about just showing up and being within earshot. Listening with HEART is much, much more. It is about deliberately setting yourself the task of truly understanding the other persons position. It asks you to understand their physical, mental, emotional, relational and spiritual well being.
HEART stands for Hush, Empathise, Attend, Reflect and Trust. It is a neural address for a set of skills that demonstrate and strengthen Compassion. HEART is about caring about the other person, about honouring them as a following human being with their own unique perspective on the world. There is no judgement in this kind of listening. Its purpose is to get over to the other person’s side and have a look at the world from there, It is about creating understanding but not necessarily agreement.
Hush. Stop doing what ever you are doing. Stop the chatter in your brain. Stop moving. Stop talking. Stop judging. Stop editing the story. Just stop. Listen to what is being said NOW. Watch what is happening NOW. Turn off your own stuff. Suspend what ever is going on for you so that you can feel and experience the other person’s world. Hush.
Empathise. Imagine how it is to be in that person’s world. Step in. It is pretty much impossible for you to really completely understand how it is for them but if you can begin to see how or why they are thinking, talking and behaving the way they are that is a good first step. Feel what they are feeling if you can. Sense the state they are in and emulate it as much as you can. Empathise.
Attend. Listen with both ears. Sit up straight. Watch with both eyes. Attend to the facial expressions, the body language, the tone and pace, the changes in intensity, the pauses and the words. Put all of your attention with that person. Learn how it is for them. Attend.
Reflect. Let the emotional state that you see and experience reflect in your own face and body without saying anything. This allows the speaker to continue to speak. It also encourages expression of the emotional reality they are experiencing. If your reflection is not true for them, they will adjust their communication to explain more clearly what is true for them until they get the right reflection back. Reflect.
Trust. Everyone is doing the best they can with what they know. We are social beings searching for connection with each other. We want to believe in something bigger than ourselves. We believe what we believe because of our own experiences. We act the way we do because of our beliefs, expectations, assumptions, concerns and hopes. All of this is informed by what we know to be true. AND we can change what we know. Trust.
Listening with HEART looks like any other kind of listening. It is the deliberateness and purposefulness of it that makes the difference. Put your HEART into it and listening will improve, conversations will improve and relationships will improve.