Blog post

Blatant Self Promotion …

Here is a copy of the PULSE Newslter. Some of you have subscribed on our website but many of you may not be familiar with it so I am nudging you there now.
www.pulseintitute.com

The PULSE Rate 2.0

Dear Nancy Love: Welcome to the February 2014 edition of the PULSE Rate! We are excited to annouce that we have begun redesigning the PULSE Professional program. Stay tuned in the coming months to learn how you can receive PULSE Professional certification and become an expert in Social Exchange™.

Upcoming Webinar

Please join me Tuesday, March 4, 2014 at 10:00am MST for a free 40 minute Webinar titled “PULSE in Review” an overview of the PULSE Frame and Five Stage Model. Below is a brief overview for those that have never used PULSE or for those that would like a refresher. Here is the direct link to the program … PULSE REVIEW

PULSE Five Stage Model – An Overview

Using Language skills effectively in conversation requires your attention and your intention to be deliberate and focused. The PULSE conversation has helped many people resolve differences by showing them when and where to apply the skills and structure so that sustainable outcomes can be assured. The PULSE Conversation Frame provides the structure for successful, effective conversations and social exchanges. It is a five stage process that Prepares people for the conversation by setting a purpose, process, and protocol. Parties then Uncover the circumstances from the past that precipitated the conversation and gave a title to “the story” by answering the question “What is to be decided or resolved?”. Parties speak directly to each other to Learn the significance of “the story” and use that information to set criteria for a sustainable future. Then they Search for options that will meet their criteria in a brainstorm session. Once options are identified that are feasible, doable and within the authority of the parties are chosen for consideration in the Explain stage where a detailed plan of action is generated by the parties. Each of the stages relies on the different skills of the PULSE professional to create a sense of comfort, to be courageous, curious, confident, and commited to the process and sustainable, balanced outcome.

Check out the PULSE Website today! You will find: PULSE

PULSE Professional Program Info
Blogs
Event Calendar
PULSE Professionals Database
Links to Twitter, Facebook and YouTube!

PULSEisms:100 Ways to Use PULSE
Below is a shortened list taken from one of our most popular blog posts (over 25,000 views!). You can read that blog post in its entirety by clicking the link below.

1. Conversations work best when ….
2.Gentle – so others can keep listening.
3. Honest – say what you are thinking…. in a gentle way.
4. You are not prepared to resolve or move on until you have said everything that is on your mind.
5. Be open to what is being said and allow it to influence you.
6. Use specific examples for clarity… a story, a picture, an image.
7. Sometimes people use the same word to mean two completely different things.
8. Keep talking until you find a resolution.
9. Gentle, Honest, Open, Specific, Talk
10. Listen with HEART. Deep listening works to acknowledge emotion and de-escalate.
11. Hush your own mind, body and heart. Be with the other person. Be curious.
12.Empathise. Walk a mile in their shoes. Ask yourself “What is it like to be them?” Feel for them.
13. Attend to what they are saying and what they are not saying.
14. Body language speaks when it changes.
15. Facial expressions never lie and are universal across cultures.
16. Reflect back what you see. Remain silent so that they can respond to how you
(they) look.
17. Trust that everyone is doing the best they can with what they know.
18. Trust to be trusted.
19. Hush, Empathise, Attend, Reflect and Trust = HEART – deep listening.
20. Earn yourself a hearing.
21. POWER listening gives evidence of having heard.
22. Paraphrase what you hear them saying.
23. Ask Open questions that hinge on what has been said.
24. WAIT – Why am I talking??
25. Let them finish.
26. Let them think about what you have said. Uninterrupted thinking is more
effective.
27. Empathise by noticing and stating the level of emotion that you see, hear or
experience.
28.“This has been difficult for you.”

Re – membering PULSE

I have been working on combining the two PULSE books today. They both include some of the history of PULSE and some clear distinctions that make PULSE unique. I love the five stages and how easily they occur in regular conversation. I love how you can watch the patterns emerge and people move through orientations to the past, the present and the future all the while shifting directions from away from the other, to with the other and toward the other in a kind of dance that fills the space between them. Each social exchange helps them define their own social being.

I write about the patterns as a structure to use when the exchange is difficult, when there is conflict or miscommunication. It is also so helpful in everyday life. Whether it is a face to face or a voice to voice or a text to text encounter really doesn’t matter. Social interaction guided by good communication that furthers the social capital of the sender and receiver always contains the five stages, anyway. They occur naturally. Prepare, Uncover, Learn, Search and Explain.

Prepare for the social interaction by defining purpose, process, protocol, people. Some times these are tacitly understood but if there is no clear understanding or assumptions are made that are not shared then things can go very wrong.

Uncover the circumstance that lead to the encounter … the past.

Learn what’s important about the circumstance in the present and identify BEACHs to use as criteria for change.

Search possibilities for a future that will meet the criteria.

Explain a plan of action with enough detail to make it sustain able.

The guiding questions move us through past to present and future orientations when you need them . The encounter map works to ensure that we use all of the directions. People have an opportunity to move away, to move with and toward when the structure is followed.

Each stage has critical elements. Mastering the elements takes time. Learning to use the frame is a little easier.

In Prepare for example it is important to use GHOST – Gentle Honest Open Specific Talk. It is important to be thorough and deliberate as you explain or have the other explain the rules of the game as you understand them. This is where you take an Appreciative Stance and ACT AS IF the encounter will result in a mutually beneficial outcome. The more you know about AI and how it works the better you get at Prepare. It is here that relational well being comes into play.

In Uncover it is important to listen deeply – with HEART – Hush, Empathize (feel their pain or joy), Attend, Reflect and Trust. Passive listening without judgement or bias, allowing the past to surface and sometimes change in the telling of the story with a different audience and allowing the shared title of the story to emerge. Emotional well being is important here.

In Learn it is important to prove that you are listening with POWER – Paraphrase, Open questions, WAIT, Empathize (name their pain or joy) and Reframe. Social selves emerge as do rules for future encounters and redefining of past encounters as Beliefs, Expectations, Assumptions, Concerns and Hopes are shared, acknowledged and understood. Relational well being is again at play here.

In Search it is important to focus on creativity and possibilities and the future. Patience is key as ideas are generated later to be vetted against the criteria of the BEACHs. Intellectual well being can make a difference here.

In Explain the other side of the brain, the analytical side is asked to perform as the details of the plan emerge and are tested to determine their sustainability. Again intellectual well being makes a difference.

Each stage requires levels of intellectual, emotional, relational, physical and spiritual well-being. More about that later.

Today was about remembering PULSE and the power of social exchanges. It was about expanding that thinking to include not just conversation but any human social interaction that contributes to us knowing who we really are, or re-membering ourselves as part of a greater whole.

Remembering PULSE and RE-membering PULSE.

We are working on getting you back into the habit of PULSE. Watch for a Newsletter next week and notice the changes on the website and join again if you can. Making it membership based has been the plan for a year or two now and we are closer today.

Adding value for our members and adding to the list of those of you who read and learn is the PULSE 2.0 Purpose, to give you the courage to make a change and the confidence to make a difference. The Process is to generate Products and Opportunities that help you gain the courage and the confidence you need to have successful social exchanges, when and where you need it. The Protocol remains a gentle, honest, open, specific, talk approach, using PULSE to teach PULSE. The People are PULSE professionals past, present and future with a shared desire to create the best social exchanges and build social capital for brighter futures.

Thanks for the member – ies. (smile)

Down Days – Go Play the Piano

What do you do on down days? Some days it is just hard to get out of bed let alone your pyjamas. Everything just seems a little off, a little chaotic. The fifteen projects you have started at work and at home over the past few weeks are in a state of incompleteness and that’s how you are feeling … incomplete, dishevelled, off.

It’s a serious question. If other people are depending on you it can put you further into the “just leave me alone” spiral. Or it can pull you out knowing that you would disappoint them by not showing up. Sometimes it is difficult to show up for yourself let alone others.

Here it is a sunny winter day in beautiful down town St Albert and I am sitting feeling sorry for myself. How can that be? Life is good. I am doing what I love to do. I hang out with people I love. I have wonderful friends. I have a great place to live and another to work and yet …..

The voice in my head is screaming JUST FINISH ONE THING AND YOU WILL FEEL BETTER. I know that is true and still I mope from one unfinished task to another, bored and cranky. Where is the antidote for down days, for blue days? Sometimes I think you just need to move through them and hope the energy wave hits tomorrow.

Go play the piano…..

Olympics

Sochi has begun. Vancouver is fading into the history books.

I was cleaning out some files today and came across a piece of paper with the The Jenn Heil Collection on it. In Vancouver I bought a necklace with five rings designed by olympian Jenn Heil who is from Spruce Grove not far from here. There are five different styles and sizes of rings attached to the necklace and each represents something different. The first ring represents the dream. It is a soft cloud like texture symbolizing the creation of a dream and it serves to hold that chains that the other rings drop from.

The second ring symbolizes focus. It looks more like a tiny target representing the precise concentration required to hit the mark. The third ring is a little bigger and it represents team. It has a braided design that illustrates the power of many working together as a team. The next one is a little larger still and represents courage. It is thicker and stronger to represent the courage it takes to compete. The last one is the largest. It has a bubbly design meant to symbolize the feeling of joy that participation brings.

It takes all of these, a dream, focus, team, courage and joy, to create an olympian and an olympic games. I wish those athletes competing in Sochi and their coaches the very best experience ever. I also take off my hat to the organizers, the volunteers and the thousands of people who have contributed to these important games in a multitude of ways.

My heart is with the Canadians. Go Canada go!

Life after Death – The Big SHIFT

When we talk about life after death we are usually talking about our own experiences beyond this life. Today for me this phrase has new meaning. It is inviting me to consider what to do now that my mother has gone on. “Gone on” is a Newfoundland saying that my family has used forever. I like it. To me it means they might come back. Who knows if that is true. the after life is a mystery but experiences similar and shared by those who have come back from a near death experience do make you wonder.

Meanwhile back here in the earthly realm we struggle with creating a new normal that doesn’t include our loved one. It’s wierd. Right now its like she left on vacation except that she has left behind all of her expectations for us, reminders to sit up straight and to eat your vegetables and watch your weight and get an education and a good job. You never really are free of the voice in your head …. your mother’s voice.

SHIFT in this post mother world is a little different for me. I am not feeling Sharp or on top of things. I am feeling scattered and fuzzy headed. I am not necessarily Happy. In fact waves of deep sadness catch me unawares from time to time. I am not feeling Independent. I have depended heavily on friends and family in the past week and will continue to for a while. I am not feeling Fit. I have not exercised or eaten properly lately. Although my mother believed in a higher power, I am not feeling Trusting. My world was turned upside down and I need time to understand the wisdom, the necessity of this event right now.

SHIFT happens both ways, up and down the knuckles. I am comforted by the base of understanding it provides in a suddenly unfamiliar place. I am comforted by the knowledge that I have been better and will be again … just not right now.

Thank you to everyone who has sent condolences and thoughts and prayers. I really do appreciate the support.

Negative IONS – SHIFT with water

Last night I went on a Sunset Cruise down the Kona Coast. There was an historian and a guitar player on board. It was magical.

We went to the Captain Cook Monument and heard the story of how he was greeted by the natives and then, upon his return, stabbed and killed there by the same people. The wall behind the monument is full of caves that, legend has it, are full of the bones of the Alii or Royal family. It is a sacred place and as our boat quietly sat in the bay a school of dolphins joined us to play in the waters. It was very humbling and inspiring.

The swells were big last night and the waves were crashing into the lava cliffs all along the shore on the way back. The sun was setting and the wind came up so we donned our hoodies and watched the waters as we listened to the amazing guitar music of LT Smooth. Then a spout … no two …. and then a tail ….. no two … and then the most beautiful full breech of a whale I have ever seen only two or three hundred meters off of the starboard bow. EXCITING. Then the baby tried three or four times. It was awesome. What a show … and all to the stylized mellow songs of Neil Young and U2 and others. MAGICAL.

My friend Donna and I have been meaning to look up the significance of the call of the ocean. She had heard something about the health benefits of being by the sea related to negative ions. This morning I looked it up and found it interesting to learn of the effect on mood and health by the negative charges released by crashing waves and water falls etc. Negative ions are the antidote to free radicals. Who knew? No wonder. The sea calls us to heal us from our modern lifestyles. How nice.

I am fortunate to have been born by the sea and to have an opportunity each year to return to Hawaii for my dose of negative ions. In Alberta we have few places where waves crash or where water falls to create this mood enhancing phenomena. I am not sure how SNOW fits in. It is a form of water which is where the ions come from. Maybe there are also benefits as long as you venture out into it. What I know for sure is that there are a lot of Canadians here right now. In fact we ran into a couple I know from Calgary last night. It was one of those “OMG” moments.

All of us can benefit from water falling, even in the shower. Water can make us whole. It is the first medicine … inside and out. It improves all of our faculties and intelligences and enhances our well being on all of the scales. Use water to RENEW and SHIFT.

Aloha – family

Last night I enjoyed dinner with 17 members of my family on the island on Kauai. We have spent a marvelous week here together. It has been good for body and soul to spend time in this beauty and with this company. If I were to assess my wellbeing on the scales we have been talking about I would say that mentally I am relaxed and attuned to my surroundings so between my finger tip and my first knuckle on the Sharpness scale. On the Happiness scale I am near the tip. My heart is full of aloha, love dampened only by the fact that they are all leaving today. On the independence scale for relational wellbeing I am also high. I have just spent a week with people I love and who love me. I feel related and hanging with family shows you how you relate to the world. Lots of mirrors to look into comparing similar bodies and attitudes and it seems easier to appreciate them in others. You can only know yourself in relation to others. Today I know myself better than I did a week ago putting me high on the Independence scale of wellbeing.

On the physical wellbeing FIT scale I am feeling relaxed and tired. Physically we have been active. We zip lined one day and played at the beach in the waves every day. I did aqua-size and we walked a lot. We also ate well ….maybe too much. I feel great. Closer to the tip on the Fit scale. On the Trust scale for souls I am also high passed the knuckle on the thumb. The Luau we attended on Tuesday was magical and reminded us of the importance of family. The Aloha Spirit is all around you here. The MC reminded us to look at the beauty and be as beautiful as you what you see yourself.

Today I move to the Big Island. I will stay in touch. Aloha……

A Fit Body – SHIFT

Five frogs are sitting on a log. One decides to jump into the pond. How many frogs are left on the log?

The answer is five. Although the one frog decided to jump he is still sitting there thinking about it. I think of this story every time I feel a need to make a commitment to physical activity or physical fitness. I am FULL of good intentions but the couch potato in me would rather put in a disk from my 13 season set of MASH programs a watch it in my comfy chair than go for a walk. I have decided to be fit many, many times.

A Fit body is found on your index finger in on the SHIFT hand.

Sharp mind – pinky finger

Happy heart – ring finger

Independent spirit – middle finger

Fit body – index finger and

Trusting soul – thumb

Your index finger is the one you wag at people when you disapprove or are trying to emphasis a point. Like the finger print on that finger measuring levels of fitness is individual. there are as many ways to get and stay fit as there are people in the world. There are people who never really have to think about being fit. They just are. There are others who have tried every program and have never quite succeeded in reaching the level of fitness they are looking for and are never really satisfied with how they look and feel in their body.

Physical intelligence is one we sometimes ignore. Our bodies have wisdom. They KNOW things. They know when we have had too much food or drink. They send us messages to indicate any kind of over indulgence… and they send us warning messages too but most of us have learned to ignore those in favour of a good time. They know when we have over exerted ourselves and when we should stop our extreme workouts and take a rest.

The best advice I have ever heard for Physical fitness is found in the RENEW. Rest is essential. We all need a daily dose of sleep. Our needs vary but we all experience exhaustion when they are not met. Energy is essential. We all need a source of motivation and energy, a feeling of euphoria we get from participating in a game or a sport. Nutrition is essential. This is another area where if we listen to our body we can learn what it needs as far as nutrition goes. We have a wonderful system that can take what is needed from what is provided and eliminate the rest. Exercise is essential. We need to move everyday or our muscles atrophy and we become weak. Walking or curling or swimming or shoveling or dancing. It doesn’t matter. You just need to move. Water is essential. It is the first medicine. It is life-giving. It is what keeps us alive. We are made of water. Rest, Energy, Nutrition, Exercise and Water = RENEW.

Listen to your body. Where are you on the fitness finger today? Closer to the tip of the finger is feeling fit and powerful and in control. Closer to the palm of the hand indicates a need to depend on other intelligences to get you through the day and back to where you can DECIDE and then act on the decision to move. Bodies are like that. Use it or lose it.

Trust your body to be there for you if you need it. When you feel threatened it will respond with Fight Flight or Freeze to give you what you need to survive. Treat it with the respect that it deserves. It is your home. It is wise and by listening to it and answering its requests of you, you will be able to improve your physical intelligence, your FIT body score.

SHIFT – A Sharp Mind

The first scale for measuring well-being on the SHIFT hand from the last blog, SHIFT Happens, is the scale for mental or intellectual well-being. It can be found on your pinky finger. How sharp are you today? That is the first question. Are you feeling on top of things mentally or are things a little foggy and dull today? On a scale of 1 to 10 how would you rate your mental well-being today?
Scales are personal. Only you can determine what they mean for you. Generally speaking you have an average day that ranks around a 5 on your scale, a day where nothing gets missed and things go well. Nothing too exciting happens. You answer questions that are asked of you and you accomplish routine tasks in routine ways.
Then there are days where a spark of curiousity illuminates the ideas in your head and you can hardly stand how brilliant you feel. Usually someone notices that you are ON and that lights you up again and away you go. The ignition is usually based in curiousity and the fuel is satisfaction of the curiousity, a new idea or a synthesis of thoughts that create new packaging for old ideas. A 10 day on the scale from 1 to 10, where your ideas are at your fingertips … literally. You have a sense of feeling encouraged and motivated and in the groove.
And then there are days where you can’t even string a sentence together. On those days you tend to rely on your other modalities or intelligences to get you through. Some days all of the scales are close to the palm of your hand, at a 1 on the scale. On those days it might take the igniting of one intelligence to pull the scales up for all of them. Mentally it is curiousity. If you can find something to be curious about you can improve the scale almost immediately. Sometimes I just get curious about why I am feeling so dull minded. That can be enough of a spark. I write about it because words and language serve our mental wellness. Or I read something that might provide a spark.
Rest is important. We are dullest when we have had little rest. Energy is important and we can take energy from that spark of curiousity. Nutrition is important. There are many studies about brain food. Exercise is important. Sudoku or cross words or brain teasers give us a work out. Water is important. Hydrate you r brain. That three o’clock drop in mental capacity is best served by a tall glass of water. My First Nations friends always remind me that water is the first medicine. To improve on our sharpness scale it is important to keep hydrated. Rest, Energy, Nutrition, Exercise, Water = RENEW for brain health and wellness.

Keep the mind Sharp so that we can SHIFT our integrated scales toward greater personal well-being.

A Sharp Mind – Pinky

A Happy Heart – Ring

An Independent Spirit – Middle

A Fit Body – Index and

A Trusting Soul – Thumb

Use your fingers to do your own check in now.

Watch for the next blog on ideas for improving your Heart well-being on the Happy Heart Scale.

SHIFT happens

There are many ways to measure your well-being. This week I have been thinking about one that is more portable … one you can keep on your finger tips for quick check ins when you are going through a rougher time in your evolution as a person. I suppose this could become an APP but for now all you need is five fingers to set and remember the scales that will help you assess your state of mind, body and heart. I have always talked about the three orientations that people. Past oriented people are more likely to live in the heart and feel things deeply. Present people are more likely to live in their body and fill the spaces they occupy. Future oriented people are more likely to live in their minds, thinking deeply. All of us have head heart and body so there is no escaping the past present future orientations. Each can be identified as a Type of intelligence. Many people are writing and study multiply intelligence and they do include head, heart and body kinds of knowing. I thought it would be helpful to have a quick assessment tool to evaluate where you are, how you are doing, by your own determination on these and two others. Besides physical intelligence, mental or intellectual intelligence and physical intelligence I have added relational or social intelligence and spiritual intelligence to the Check In List.

Beginning with the mind, consider how SHARP your mind is today. On a scale of one to ten, one being the foggiest day in your mind and ten being the brilliant day when you made great discoveries, how SHARP are you today? Use your preferred hand to slide that scale across your baby finger until you can feel and see how you feel right now. If you are feeling SHARP you will end up near the tip of your finger. If you are not feeling especially SHARP today you will be closer to the palm of your hand where the fingers come together to help each other.

Now on your ring finger consider the level of HAPPINESS you feel in your heart. How joyful and happy are the emotions you are experiencing right now. Again, slide your preferred hand up and down the ring finger of your other hand to determine a visual and sensational point to indicate that experience. Closer to the palm is less happy than closer to the tip and truly joyous might be off the end of the finger.

Now for your middle finger. This is a social intelligence measure and the scale relates to your level of INDEPENDENCE. How independent of spirit are you feeling today? I am not sure why I choose independence as the measure except that experiencing a sense of independence and confidence and courage allows you to develop relationships on your terms. Closer to the palm means you are depending on others for your social well-being while closer to the tip indicates that you are in charge of your own social agenda.

The pointer finger or index finger represents your body and its level of FITNESS. How FIT are you? Closer to the palm indicates that work needs to be done to maximize the energy that our bodies can provide. I think of another acronym that I use as a reminder to myself about fitness. RENEW – Rest, Energy, Nutrition, Exercise and Water. These are the things that contribute to a healthy and fit body. Are you getting the right combination of these things to keep you fit?

The thumb represents the soul, the spiritual intelligence that connects us with mankind. Here the measure is TRUST. How trusting a soul are you? Do you have faith in mankind? Can you trust your fellow human beings or a deity that you have come to know as kind and loving? Can you move beyond yourself in a way that benefits others and the planet? This scale is about consciousness which can be raised if we trust each other.

Each time you use your preferred hand to measure the scales on your other hand you will notice that the results are not constant. Where we are on a given day at a given hour can SHIFT. Using the scales SHIFT scales can provide immediate feedback on the depth and direction of the SHIFT and can promote corrective action. Keeping things on an even keel, especially in difficult times is key and working toward the tips of the fingers and beyond on all of scales can improve our attitudes, our perspectives and our lives.

On a scale of 1 to 10 measure your SHIFT.

Sharpness of mind
Happiness of heart
Independence of spirit
Fitness of body
Trust in mankind

Over the next week or so I will write about each of the areas of intelligence and suggest ways to change the results on each of the fingers. Meanwhile please let me know if you use the scales and how they work for you.

MERPS – Mental, Emotional, Relational, Physical and Spiritual+ Well-being indices.

Category : Blog post