When you move you get to sort and select what you are taking and leaving behind.  Even when you spend weeks doing that before moving day you might get to the next place… the new home … and realize that you are still taking too much and not leaving enough behind.  At least that is what I have found.  I thought I had done a good job of sorting and selecting, of culling or pruning or what ever term you want to use for moving the things you don’t use or want onto their next owner. Once the dust settle in the new place, I found that I had brought too much stuff with me.

My Dad once said “Don’t keep stuff.  No one wants it when you are finished with it.”  He was about my age then and heading out in a motor home with my mum for what turned into a 4 or 5 year adventure in what Mum called “the tube”.  Dad was right about that and about many other things.  We have a room full of very good and valuable STUFF in our former home that will likely go to a garage sale … even after the children and other members of the family have been to visit and taken what they wanted.

This whole exercise has been exhausting.  Not just physically but emotionally and mentally too.  Last night I sat in my beautiful new condo like a zombie, unable to make one more decision about where something should go.  I know that I will regain my decision making ability at some point but I could sure use a break from it right now.  But we are no where near done.  We have completed Phases one and two of the downsize.  Phase three which is the “what to do with the rest” phase is just beginning.

I am going to have to add a phases four I think.  That will be when I finally get to sift through what ended up in the new place once more with the goal of sorting and selecting one more time what stays and what goes.  I am beginning to understand why people pay professionals to organize their stuff.  I don’t want to do that.  I am happy sifting and sorting when I have the time to consider each item and make good decisions and I will do that.  I find myself hoping for rainy Saturdays this spring so that I can enjoy without guilt the exercise of moving stuff on to their next owner.

Did I mention that most of my stuff is books?  One of the movers very accurately mentioned to me after I apologized for the number of heavy boxes I had packed for him to carry that they had this new invention now-a-days called a computer where you could buy and store and read books on a screen and they didn’t weigh anything. That reminded me of something my mother used to say “Knowledge doesn’t weigh anything.  You can carry it with you where-ever you go.”  She was right.  She often is.  I find that the books that provided you with the knowledge are hard to let go of.  I found myself wanting to read them all again.  Maybe I will or maybe I will find the courage to let them go with gratitude and respect and let them find their next owner.

Moving, especially downsizing or rightsizing makes you think about things differently.  Like most projects, there is a sense of satisfaction when you get it right.  AND there is a transfer of attitude and knowledge to other aspects and areas of your life.  I had the good fortune of two moves already in 2013.  My office moved from the 5th floor to the 13th floor and my new home is on the 13th floor on 13th avenue.  It is auspicious and it is the year of the snake.  I am a snake and snakes bring prosperity   We all need a little of that these days.  Gung hei fat choi!

Good thing I don’t have triskaidekaphobia.

I still would like to write a book about vicarious responsibility   Leaders are responsible for the work of their followers and yet experience that work vicarious. That becomes evident to me again and again as I work with groups of people who believe they know what is going on in their team because of what the team members are reporting.  The problem is that the languages might be different or the messages are interpreted differently and so there is a break down in understanding between what the employee reports and what the leader hears.  Part of that is because we hear what we are listening for and part is because employees often adjust their message to met the expectations of the leader.

A great leader knows many languages – past, present and future – and can interpret the messages in a variety of ways always checking for understanding.  That is important when you have vicarious responsibility. Interviewing for understanding when you are vicarious responsible for the actions of your team members is vital.  The questions need to be focused and direct and asked in the right dialect to insure a true read of the situation.  then as a leader you are expected to filter and package that message for your own leaders … See what I mean… there is a book in there somewhere.

Last week I had the opportunity to attend a session lead by Karen Dawson. the session left an impression with me that I still carry days later. That’s a good thing. I am still thinking about the things that Karen did and said to keep me in this state of wonder. One of the many insights she shared was that turning managers into leaders was tricky business. good leaders make us feel special. Think of a leader you admire in your life. How do you feel in his or her presence? How can you make others feel that way in your presence? That is the essence of leadership development. Karen says that you can increase the likelihood that someone will feel special in your presence by rehearsing your response to them. You cannot change how they feel but you can increase the likelihood that they will feel good by rehearsing and getting feedback on what it takes. Karen’s theatrical background influences her approach to leadership development. In theatre you rehearse and then you perform and then you rehearse and then you perform. Each performance is different and what makes it different is often the audience. What you do for one audience to engage them in the performance is not always what it takes to engage the next audience so adjust and adapt to give each audience what they need. So leaders need to rehearse and perform in the same kind of cycle to get better at building rapport and thereby increase the likelihood that people will feel special in their presence.

So that is what PULSE conversations do… they increase the likelihood of managers becoming leaders. PULSE Conversations are especially structured and deliberately set up to have everyone in the conversation feel heard and valued so that they can own the outcome. The combination of Appreciative Theory and mediation skills and an understanding of the sociology of the enneagram is the right recipe for successful conversations where everyone feels special. A leader using this structure can make each of their followers feel special and can secure their status as leader and not just manager.

There is a lot of literature on the differences between the two sets of skills – leadership and management. Managing the operation, the processes of the work and leading the people who are doing the work are elements of the positions we give to people in charge. Both are essential and both benefit from the relationship building built into the PULSE. If you Prepare for the conversation deliberately and you Uncover the past contributions, Learn the present priorities, Search the future possibilities and then Explain a mutually agreeable plan of action then people feel valued, appreciated, trusted, challenged, supported and special in your presence.