BEACHs, PULSE Conversations, PULSE Enneagram, Social Exchange, UVI PULSE webinars

Wednesday’s UVI-PULSE Webinar

This week on Wednesday I will be doing a webinar for the University of the Virgin Islands. You can register on their website. UVI-PULSE. This week I am going to talk more about the nine different approaches to the world that can be learned by studying the Enneagram.

I think it will be of interest to anyone who wants to develop their understanding of the nine positions on the Enneagram circle and how you can use the PULSE grid to find out where someone is at the moment. I will also talk about how you can predict where they might go and how you can help people move when they get stuck.

It should be fun. There will also be a short ebook available to people who register.

Any exposure to the cultures of the nine points is help full. It can take only an hour to know how they work and a life time to fully understand. I always say start anywhere and go everywhere when you are learning a complex concept like the BEACHs. I hope you join us to expand your knowledge and add to the conversation.

Letter to the Participants at the First Annual Alumni Conference on ADR in Ghana http://gameyandgamey.com/new/

Welcome past participants of the Executive ADR programme to your first alumni conference.

First let me say thank you to Austin Gamey for all the work he has done in your beautiful country of Ghana and for Africa as a whole. His efforts have not gone unnoticed. It is by his good graces that I have this opportunity to share some of my own thoughts on ADR as you gather to affirm your knowledge, skills and attributes as the conflict resolution specialists you are becoming.

We are agents of change. As mediators we guide people through the PULSE Frame to a new understanding, not only of the situation but of themselves and each other. We open them to reinterpreting past events. We invite them to a safe and structured conversation in the present. We expand the field of the future to include positive, mutually beneficial outcomes that are sustainable by virtue of their voluntary nature … outcomes that neither would have considered possible at the beginning of their deliberations.

People may ask how we accomplish such things. We do this through skillful questioning whish changes how people think, feel and experience their circumstances. We do it by taking a positive stance ourselves and believing in the possibility of such outcomes and holding the space for them to choose, to act, to dream, to be known, to be heard and to be positive. We do it by acknowledging that every person is unique and each approaches the world from their own perspective. Unique does not mean wrong and so we teach people to value what they are not. Often it is not necessary for them to agree with the other person but if they can acknowledge and understand each other than the cycle of conciliation and reconciliation can begin.

And as we become skillful mediators we can the courage to make changes in our own lives and the confidence to make a difference in the world around us. We begin to apply these skills, this stance and this appreciation for the uniqueness of individuals to all our conversations even those that are not high conflict or high emotions. When we do we ensure that conversation have sustainable, positive outcomes in every instance. And as more and more people learn the skills, the world becomes a better place in which to live.

If everyone could learn to speak gently so that the other person could keep listening; if everyone could learn to be honest in a gentle way and be open to hearing the other person’s story; if everyone would speak in specific terms using bahvioural examples rather than terms such as ‘always’ or ‘never’; if everyone could find the courage to talk, to bring up difficult topics and ask difficult questions in a gentle, honest way that clears the air; then wouldn’t that increase the likelihood of us all having peaceful, healthy, happy, productive lives at work and at home? I believe it would.

The trick, I have learned, is in finding common ground. My new book “Mapping the Space between Us” is about finding common ground. In it you will discover paths that we can take in conversation, a compass and a map to help guide you and help you guide others. We become wayfinders for our tribes, our families and our coworkers. You will learn to identify the Direction and Orientation of people in conversation and how to plot those. Once you have that information guiding questions lead to common ground and a firm foundation for strong relationships.

I look forward to sharing this new book with you soon. I also look forward to working with you through webinars and on site courses moving forward as the PULSE Institute sets up its new home at the University of the Virgin Islands, on the Island of St Thomas, USVI. Meanwhile be Sharp of mind, Happy of heart, Independent of spirit, Fit of body and cultivate a Trusting soul. SHIFT to a place where you can guide others to common ground and sustainable resolutions. I wish you luck and learning as you enjoy your first alumni conference together.

Reverence and Irreverence

Can you tell the difference between someone who is being reverent and someone who is being irreverent? I think they can mean somewhat the same thing. if you are being irreverent is because at some level you feel a certain mount of reverence for the person, place or thing. Otherwise you wouldn’t take the time to be irreverent. It is kind of like “irregardless” to me.

That’s not really what I wanted to talk about today but it has been in my head for about a week. I was introduced to Mrs. Brown on YouTube a week ago. It is a BBC sitcom now I believe and it is very funny in an irreverent kind of way. If you need a laugh, a belly laugh, I recommend you watch an episode or two as long as you are not easily offended. Mrs. Brown says what the rest of us might only think. She reminds me of my family from Newfoundland. She has same irreverent attitude toward people, places and things that my mother and her sisters had.

It has been a long week. Getting back in the swing of things often takes more energy than I remember from the last time I was away. Meetings and visitors and curling and hosting parties and laundry and unpacking and it was a very full week. This post is not as exciting as the descriptions of exotic places from last week. It is home and it is routine and I love it just as much as being away.

At home there are always problems to solve and plans to make and things to do, the routine weekly, monthly and annual things that fill your calendar. Those are the kind of things we think everybody else does better than us… keeping organized. Staying on top of household accounts, repairs and replacements and social events and media and finding time to work too is not for the faint of heart. It can be exhausting especially if you spent last week in an exotic place NOT thinking about any of that.

Back to the grind … with a smile on my face and reverence for all things routine. Find the time to work on the book this week. It’s going to be great. Just wait and see. But as Mrs. Brown might say …”Too bad the &^%$@# thing can’t write itself. It’s the only way you’ll get it done.” Irreverence … always a grain of truth.

Checklists – For People Who Do Their Work in Social Exchanges

When I first starting thinking about Checklists I associated them with routine and ritual. Now I know that the reason you have a checklist is because something is NOT routine and you do not have a ritual that matches it. Checklists are for those things that are not natural. They are best used to guide you through processes that are counterintuitive like the PULSE Frame.

This week on Friday I will be presenting a free webinar on Checklists and the different applications for PULSE. I have been thinking a lot about the way that I use PULSE and how often I can use it to analyze what went wrong in a social exchange. What did I forget to say or do that I might have got had I been deliberately using my checklist? It is always there. Someone tells someone something from a conversation that I believed to be confidential. Not having spelled that out ( “I would like to keep this confidential until I talk to so and so.”), the other person shared the information with so and so who then made assumptions which he acted on and the inevitable confusion around miscommunication and interpreted intentions ensued.

With something as simple as the PULSE Frame, something I am sooo familiar with, I thought I could wing it. I wasn’t even consciously using my mental checklist. The thing to remember is that although PULSE is simple and easy to use, it is also complex and deliberate. If you miss something you are in danger of creating more conflict rather than avoiding or mitigating it. If you want to keep people in the Green Zone, the friendly zone where relationships are enhanced then take my advice and USE THE CHECKLIST.

It is not always important in every social exchange to state the purpose, protocol and process. BUT you should at least think about why or why not you are doing those things. It is not always important to STATE the five guiding questions but you should have answers for all of them before you complete your exchange. Follow the formula to get sustainable results. When you don’t get sustainable results you can usually trace it back to a missed piece of information or question. Press rewind and try again. This time USE the Checklist.

Here are two versions. One for a two-way conversation and one for a three-way with an intervener guiding the exchange. Make them work for you. They represent a fast and proven method to get sustainable outcomes form any social exchange.

© 2008 Dr. Nancy Love of the PULSE Institute
PULSE Two-Way Conversation Checklist
PREPARE FOR THE PROCESS: “How will the conversation proceed?”
(10 minutes)

PULSE Change – Saving lives with PULSE

How can you change your PULSE? Pulse rates are usually pretty stable and predictable but once in a while your pulse rate changes. What are the triggers for that? Could be physical exertion or it could be emotional response or it could be your brain creating threats for you … real or imagined. What can you do to lower the impact of perceived threat and normalize your physiological response?

One of the most important outcomes of using PULSE to structure your conversations is that you rarely get so excited by words that your PULSE changes. Because you have a clearer understanding about what to do or say and how and why to do it you are less likely to trigger the physiological responses of fight, flight or freeze. You might be curious about what is being said and why. You might find the courage to ask the question in your head and test that assumption you might be making. You might feel confident enough to feel compassion and a real connection with the other party which moves your body to relax, release and relate, thus lowering your pulse rate.

Learning PULSE definitely keeps your blood pressure and your heart rate healthy.

How can I say that? That is a pretty wild claim. How can a Frame for Social Exchanges change your life?

I know that getting excited rather than curious can change your physical state. I also know that remaining calm and in control is a lot easier if you have a plan and a structure for the difficult conversation you are in. When you have confidence in a peaceful sustainable outcome because you know what to do you are less likely to feel threatened by any situation. You are more likely to use your training to de-escalate and resolve thus lowering everyone’s heart rate.

Like the CPR training you took to help people having heart failure, your PULSE training takes you into situations to calm emotional responses so that people can get the blood back into their brains. CPR gets the heart going again. PULSE slows it down.

Fast and Proven Results with PULSE

I am working through Cd’s from Experts’ Academy with Brendon Burchard. He is dynamic and interesting. I like him. Some of the points he makes are insightful and informative and I would like to publically thank him even though I am not finished with my instruction on how to be an expert.

Brendon makes a point about what I would call operationalizing your expertise. He suggests using frameworks and checklists. Hmmm. We do that. He says that one mistake that experts make is to offer conceptual approaches to solving people’s problems rather than the “fast and proven” step by step method. That got me thinking. When I talk about what PULSE is I know I stay at the conceptual level. Rarely do I say ” PULSE is five easy steps for managing any social exchange.” That is what PULSE is… Five easy steps

1. Prepare by setting Purpose and Protocol for the exchange

2. Uncover the Topic

3. Learn the Criteria for a wider future

4. Search the possibilities that meet the criteria

5. Explain a plan of action

You can do this by using five easy and proven questions to guide each stage of the exchange:

1. What is the purpose of this exchange?

2. What do we need to address today?

3. What about that is important?

4. What could be done in a perfect world?

5. What are we/you committed to doing next?

Collecting the answers to these questions gives you a sustainable outcome. The process can be applied in any situation.

Using the PULSE Frame gets FAST and PROVEN results. It improves the quality of conversations, relationships and organizations. It gives individuals the courage to make a change and the confidence to make a difference. It contributes to peace and harmony in the workplace or in the family with a deliberate five stage approach to any social exchange.

Thanks, Brendon, for helping me think through what expertise we have at PULSE and forcing me to identify the operational advantage, not just the conceptual one that the PULSE Frame offers to those who use it.

Canmore 2014 – A PULSE Revival

I love having a place in Canmore and I often consider how wonderful it would be to live in this mountain paradise. It is a winter wonderland right now. Fresh snow has covered the mountain peaks and the roads of course. Skiers are smiling broadly. Motorists … not so much.

While my friends and I were wondering downtown through the shops yesterday I saw two signs that I will remember for a long time. One said “If you were looking for a SIGN, here it is.” The other said “You cannot leave where you are until you know where you are going.” Both are true and thought-provoking … especially if you are considering making a move to a new location.

Canmore has lots to offer. It is has a large active retirement community. It has an institute dedicated to studying aging. It has a new world-class recreational centre. It is next door to the most magnificent National Park in our country. It has four and five-star restaurants. It is an outdoor active place and after a long cold winter it offers a change in attitude toward weather and being out doors. To learn that you only have to look at the clothing stores in town. Not much office wear there. The stores are full of gear for any weather and any outdoor activity. That is very telling.

People move here because people move here. They are active and engaged with nature and the community. What would it be like to live here full-time? Having lived in Grande Cache, another albeit less populated and less famous mountain resort town, I know that life would not necessarily match the utopian image we have for being on permanent vacation in a resort town. But there is a lot to be said for mountain living. Hmmmmm…..

In the past we have conducted PULSE programs here that are very well received by the African and American participants in the program. There may be opportunities to create some interest and attract people to the mountains to contemplate the wisdom of PULSE once again. Here it is possible to meet needs for every BEACH. There is experience for the body, inspiration fro the heart and instruction for the head. A well balanced program that could inspire and instruct through the mountain experience. It is a perfect place for us to study the SHIFT program together. We can create a space where we can become SHARP, HAPPY, INDEPENDENT, FIT, TRUSTING people. SIGN me up. I have seen the sign. (smile)

It seems as if I have just arrived and it is time once again to pack the car and go. I will be back soon for my monthly fix of mountain air, and if we can pull it off, we will plan a get together for the PULSE professionals over the summer in this wonderful mountain paradise. Are you in?

PULSE CPR

Reviving PULSE.

After a couple of less active years where I was working for Parks Canada or just busy writing, it is actually fun to have a schedule and to interact with PULSE professionals again. This morning I did my second 2014 webinar. PULSE Professionals from Red Deer, Alberta and the Washington DC area as well as from Ghana in Africa joined the session to review the Five Stages of the Frame and the significance, the theory and the skills associated with each Prepare, Uncover, Learn, Search and Explain.

Here is the link to the recording. If you have 40 minutes for a quick refresher it might be fun. ( Ignore the right brain/left brain bit…. I think I got it backwards which will not surprise those of you who know me well and know that left and right have never been easy for me.)

http://pulseinstitute.adobeconnect.com/p66aton3eer/

If you have comments or questions I would be happy to respond.

I have new appreciation for CPR – Cardiovascular Pulmonary Resuscitation, having witnessed it in hospital recently, when the patient coded and the staff spring into action. At PULSE it has represented Content, Process and Response; the three aspects of an exchange that influence the outcome and although it can be vital to maintaining relationships, it is not critical to life itself. CPR PULSE style is used to save relationships and revive the space between people and not as a life saving procedure in the case of cardiac arrest.

I do hope that our PULSE will be resuscitated, that it will come back to life. I hope we can reignite the flame for the FRAME that helps people have successful social exchanges. It is still simple yet complex like all of us. Today I reviewed the Process in some detail. In future sessions we will indeed look at the Content of PULSE, the theory behind it and the Response of PULSE, the heart of it, the skills that make it work. Our purpose is to show its relevance in today’s fast paced, digital communications. Lives are changed with one text or one email. If we can use the PULSE Frame to inform not only face to face conversations but also these electronic methods of social exchange maybe we can create a gentle, honest, open , specific transaction that won’t cost us relationships but will work to improve them as we interact using the Frame.

The next session will be on April 4th : PULSE Checklists. I will present and review with you at least 10 specific uses for the PULSE Frame and how to gently shift it to your purposes. The link is on our website www.pulseinstitute.com on the calendar.

Hope you can join us.

Our Own Rocca on Signal Hill

There is this great chandelier in my front hall that catches the light in themorning and sends tiny rainbows through out the house. It is a special time of day and a wonderful sight for tired eyes. Rainbows always make me smile. Being home does too. There is something bitter sweet about coming home after a great trip. “Bitter/Sweet” – interesting phrase that describes that feeling of relief and comfort that comes at the end of a 24 hour journey and the feeling of nostalgia or longing that has already begun to creep into your psyche as you realize you are home. Home makes me smile.

So often when I get home it feels like I never really left. The experience that I was having a day ago is now distant. Geographically I have moved on. Temporally I have moved on and in my head remain only the memories to be cherished. I am confident that we will remember this trip. My husband, the photographer, took over 700 pictures. He makes me smile.

Because tonight is Tuesday, the Tuesday Crowd will be here at the house. Our intent is to have the pictures ready to show as a slide show on the TV so they can choose to watch and our memories will be jogged as we tell our tells of Italy. The word “Italy” has changed for me. I feel warm inside when I say “Italy” now., I used to feel awestruck because our first trip there about 6 years ago was brief and filled with masterpieces in Rome and Venice that really demonstrated that enormous creative talent of the Italian people. Now I feel the warmth of the country side and the people who live there. It also makes me smile.

Tuesday’s make me smile. Today a friend of mine will join us. She lives in Edmonton. She and I have been friends since Grade 8. She really is more like a sister. We have shared our lives even over great distances. It was here 35th Anniversary yesterday and she and her husband will join us here in Calgary on their way home from a romantic stay in the mountains. She usually tries to coincide her visits with Tuesdays. We have so much fun and it is extra special to have Tuesdays with her here. She makes me smile.

What makes you smile? What are the little pieces of your life that make the corners of your mouth turn up? Those are the moments you want to share. Listen to yourself today and see if you can identify for your self what makes you smile. Then consider how you might make others smile.

People Using Language Skills Effectively make others smile. PULSE practitioners and professionals focus attention on the positives, the things that bring relief and comfort …. and smiles so that futures can be brighter. They choose the positive from the past, contributing to the positive present and creating a positive future.

“SHOULDING” on ourselfs and others

I am hoping that while we are visiting Italy for the next couple of weeks that I will be as diligent about blogging. It is a great way to feel as if you are keeping in touch without forcing yourself on people. A couple of paragraphs a day should be doable. “SHOULD” – It’s a funny word that people usually use to correct a situation. We do “should” on ourselves a lot especiallyin tragic times. “If only we had” … except and accept that we didn’t. As humans we also “SHOULD” on others, giving advice even when it is unsolicited.

“Should” is a desctructive word. It judges. It is subjunctive and subjective. It is tentative and I can’t recall one instance where it made me feel better. I like to leave it out of my vocabulary but when I am under stress or tired or just not thinking … there it is. “Things should have been different” The reality is that they weren’t. The question is not what should happen now or in the future but what will happen next. Will creates the image of the future more powerfully. Will and Agree to project certainty and the acceptance of responsibility necessary to “Make it so” as Captain Picard of the USS Enterprise would say.

Having said so, I AGREE to write the blog while I am in Italy. I WILL describe thoughts as seen from a new perspecitive, a new stance describing PULSE from a distance and viewing Italy as a visitor preoccupied with people and language. Arrivederci – for now.

Tag Archives: People Using Language Skills Effectively