Are there times in your life when you just want to pause and regain control?

My life has been absolutely crazy since I got back from UVI on January 31st.  The to do list has morphed a number of times as things get accomplished but the list seems to be never ending and I can’t get ahead of the game at all.  Life should be simpler.  My company has been dissolved and the sign has been removed from the St Albert offices.  My trip to UVI for March has been postponed.  Theoretically I should have LOTS of time this week to write and complete the assignment my book coach gave me three weeks ago.

It hasn’t been that way.  A loss in the family and the move to hospice and eventual death of a dear friend have put a somber cover over life.  It is difficult to say goodbye to people even when they have been sick for a long time and you know the end is inevitable and looming.  That was true in both instances and both of these wonderful people were of my generation this time.  I don’t think I am handling it well.  Since I lost my mother ever loss seems to have a greater impact. So even though the sky has been a brilliant blue and we have had unseasonably warm temperatures here in Alberta this month, I have been sad and a little overwhelmed.

I love my family and friends. Losses are deeply felt not only by me but by everyone. Illness of others impacts all of us and adds a strain to our lives.  I worry about Dad and his health and my daughters and their families. It’s also a busy time of year with hockey finals and dance competitions.  And it is not that I can’t handle it.  I know I can.  It is that handling the emergent things means other things get pushed aside… like writing an important blog celebrating the life of my wonderful friend or finishing the final edits on a book that has been in progress for six years now.

It’s interesting.  My apartment and my lake house are spotless right now.  I have been sorting and throwing things out and dusting and washing and cleaning like a mad person.  It is my distraction.  Old files have been sorted.  Any drawer I open gets a make over.  Even my office … the old PULSE office … is looking pretty tidy.  Everyone handles stress and loss differently.  My go to activity is always to create order out of chaos.  Even a hint of disorder is attacked with gusto. Stress turns up my OCD levels and I work hard to control what I can in my immediate environment because there is so much that I cannot control … especially now.

Today is a good day.  I am writing again.  I miss it when I don’t.

Thanks for listening.  Watch for my tribute to Fay, my wonderful friend who had the biggest smile and gave the best hugs.  And as we approach ST Patrick’s Day may the wind be at your back and may you have occasion to pause and enjoy this life, your friends and family NOW.  Later is just too tentative.